It’s Not MY Fault…

BY CAROL QUINN

Have you ever been frustrated when things don’t go your way? Recently I purchased some dry cat food because I had a rebate coupon. I took the time to fill it out and mail it in. A few weeks later, it came back with a letter stating I did not meet the proof-of-purchase requirements. Upon review, I couldn’t find anything I had missed or did wrong. I have to admit, what crossed my mind was it wasn’t anything I did but rather it was the company’s mistake. I decided to call them. After providing a code on the letter, the woman on the other end of the phone walked me through the criteria of the rebate. As instructed, I turned the rebate form over and saw pictures of the dry food I had purchased. So far, I was reassured I was in-the-right. Next she asked me to read the print at the top. It said, “…purchase a 3lb or larger bag of dog food”. It finally registered. I hadn’t noticed the picture of the product had a dog on it…not a cat. Indeed, the proof of purchase was the problem and it wasn’t their fault at all, as I had been so quick to think. Did I ever feel silly at that moment! The nice woman on the other end of the phone realized my epiphany. She said, “Don’t feel bad, you’re not the first. Last week I took a similar call but the person calling got really upset with me when she realized she wasn’t going to get the rebate. She got angry, said some nasty things then hung up.”

Let’s face it, it can be daunting to realize you are the one who didn’t do it right.  To make matters worse, it can be even harder to see it. We can think we did things right and still be wrong. We can be told and refuse to believe. In B.C. people were told the earth was round but rejected it for thousands of years. Instead they thought it was flat, stationary and the center of the universe. They were wrong. And just like the person who believes his results are not his doing, he is wrong as well.

“I didn’t reach the sales quota because it was unrealistic from the start. There’s too much competition and there’s nothing I could do about that.”

Somewhere along the way, many people became fearful of failing. As a result, some don’t try while others refute their participation in causing an outcome. They detach themselves from poor results and believe they weren’t responsible. They convincingly try to deny, blame and make excuses. As a side effect of this behavior, the opportunity to learn ceases and so does achievement. They become stuck in place, too fearful to live to their full potential.

Achievement requires the courage to identify and take responsibility for the role you played in producing your results - both the good and the not-so-good results. It’s true that the thought of owning up to bad results, in particular, can give anyone an uneasy feeling inside. No one wants to look bad. For some, exaggerated fears of repercussion mentally lash them into retreating behind “it wasn’t my fault.” But it’s our very refusal to face our fear that keeps us from achieving the desired result - like the High Performers do. High Performers ask themselves key questions and seek the answers. They want to learn.

They rack their brain to find answers. Refusing to be held back by their own limited thinking, they seek input from others. They look for another point of view to see what they cannot. They seek the advice of someone who has achieved what they have not. Asking for input from the right source is the key that opens the door to a new perspective. Holding onto thinking that doesn’t work is like doing what you’ve always done and expecting different results. High Performers seek to understand what they did or did not do that produced the results they got and learn what they could do better. Whether it is to improve conflict resolution with a partner or figure out a way to sell in a fiercely competitive market, they seek to change themselves in order to produce better results. But this is not an undertaking for the fainthearted. It takes guts to allow yourself to be placed under a microscope to have someone point out where you erred. High achievers don’t avoid their mistakes by blaming, they confront them. The reward is big! The personal insight that is gained is an essential element for progressing forward. Without it, a person repeats that which they produced prior. In other words, they don’t learn from their mistakes.

In essence, we imprison ourselves by our choice to cover up the reality rather than acknowledge it. But we also hold the key that will set us free. You can wait a thousand years. You can keep repeating and hope things change. Or, you can break the cycle now. Taking ownership takes courage. Without courage, the hefty price you pay will be your own lack of progress.

So what do you do if you are someone who avoids acknowledging your own missteps?

• Start with the rebate-type situations that you find yourself in. It’s a good first step.
• For those who find this starting point too basic, start with a goal not yet achieved.
• Don’t be too quick to say, “It’s nothing I did.” Start looking for how you contributed to creating your own end result.
• Be open.
• Get a mentor. Ask someone for their advice, but not just anyone. It’s important to get input only from those who have successfully walked your path.
• Understanding how someone else succeeded will give you clarity on what you must do differently. This is the “learning” part. Educate yourself!
• Next…you must apply what you’ve learned. It’s easier said than done especially when you must break a long withstanding habit of reacting.
• Practice makes perfect. I find that opportunities come our way that allow us to stop doing what we’re always done and start doing differently.

If we are committed to really achieving what we say we want, we must step up to the plate and stop talking about it. I promise you, you change what your are doing, and your results WILL change. Great achievement is not for the chosen few. It’s for you and for me - it’s simply a matter of taking ownership, learning and making the necessary adjustments until you achieve your goal. If you’d like to learn more about how you can live to your full potential and achieve more of your goals, read Have The Attitude! The Thinking That Makes Great Things Happen. It’s an educational and inspiring read, and it’s now available as an e-book. Start reading it today. It costs $13.99. Click HERE to order/download.

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